When I was expecting Alley, I was so sick I lost 20 pounds and was hospitalized ending up giving myself shots of anti nausea medication for the next 3 months. However, through this rough 9 months, I knew I wanted more kids.
Having faith in the Lord that the next pregnancy wouldn't be as tough, we were delighted to add 5 more children to our family. Pregnancies were never "easy," but my love for motherhood and weakness for cute newborn baby snuggles, kept me semi-blinded of my complete and total hatred for pregnancy.
In our decision to have our 7th baby (Bennett) His pregnancy came along right as I was called to be our ward RS president. I can not tell you how the Lord lifted the burden of pregnancy for me! Life was hard but I felt the hand of God sustaining me in all areas of my life.
After Bennett was born, I still questioned, "How will I know when I am done having kids?" I asked my family and friends how they knew and they all seemed to answer similarly..."When they were having there LAST they just knew it was the last, and they cherished their last pregnancy." I thought, well I guess I haven't had my last because I haven't had that feeling of our family being complete.
With Faith again and with the TOTAL faith of Ben (Because Ben is so wonderful to support us having so many kids, sometimes he needs more faith!) We decided to have another.
With the first wave of nausea that hit, I had witness after witness that this baby was going to be our last.
Feeling like I am writing his in haste, I have to caution myself that I say I want to never have another baby ever again DURING every pregnancy.
To help myself remember, and maybe to help others answer the age old question of how to know when your family is complete, I want to share some of the ways I feel like this is the last baby. And I am so sad that none of them are positive.
First, I feel sick, literally! I have spent too many years of my life being sick. I'm tired of it!
Second, My family suffers. Now that I have teenagers I have to be at the top of my game. But instead I am grouchy, and short tempered.
Third, because of my grouchy self I see the world negatively. I don't like people, I don't like my calling, I don't like being bothered. The list goes on and on!
Fourth, I am a lazy dog!
Fifth, Lazy dogs are fat and self conscious.
My list of reasons why I can't tolerate another pregnancy are as long as Lucy's Christmas list!
As I was ranting to my sister about how I thought I would LOVE my last pregnancy and how unfair it is that I am so miserable for 9 months.
I realized two things:
1. The Lord answers prayers very differently. If I had Loved this pregnancy, I may have not understood the Lords answer to me.
2. Cami said something interesting she said "considering how much you HATE pregnancy I'm supprised how many kids you have." I started thinking about this and I have turned my heart toward the goodness of the Lord in providing me with such strong motherly feelings that they have overpowered all of the negative emotions and hardships pregnancy has given to me the last 7 times. I feel like Eve on this last baby where "my eyes are open" That having children is hard: I will greatly
I never want to seem ungrateful, my cup runith over with blessings. I am so happy and fulfilled with baby girl # 8 on the way. I can't wait to snuggle her little body, and watch my other kids experience the wonder of new life!
5 comments:
Jennifer, I love this post so much. I actually have been asking myself the question of "how many" recently and I really like how you addressed this. I heard another older mother say the same thing recently and so it was so interesting to hear you say something similar.
I love your post! I'm very excited for you--having a girl and feeling good about being done. Heavenly Father is so good to you! You are a GREAT mother and GREAT children and a GREAT husband! I love feeling and recognizing God's tender mercies in my life.
Keep blogging! I love reading your posts!!
You don't seem ungrateful... You're simply being honest. That's what you want to remember. This post, when you look back on it in 5 months or so, will make you appreciate your newfound health--mental, physical, and emotional. Your family will be so blessed to not only have a new baby, but to have "their mom back!" ha!
Also, I love how Natalie called you an "older mother." :)
I love that you say how you feel when you feel it! Hey, you are never grouchy around me! Let's go do something soon!
And you are blessed, I wanted more kids, but it's not in the cards! Although I am tired these days...
mimi
You are a fabulous example of a righteous, beautiful, fun mom. You obviously know what you're doing and your kids are lucky to have you as their mom. You sacrificed so much to get them here. There aren't many women like you. I'm happy you have that feeling of being done. Now you can enjoy your life not being pregnant!
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